As most of us go through life, we fall in love, we lose love, we get our hearts filled and broken. It is normal, it happens, and it happens to Everyone.
When it happened to me, I realized a lot about myself. I went through the process that every woman and man goes through, the grieving. I was not alone on my emotional roller-coaster ride.
I was able to put my pain, my grieving, into perspective and ride it. Its ok to experience emotional outbursts of frustration and anger. I’m OK! This is normal, I’d tell myself. It helped. I needed to feel, cry, ache, hurt, grieve…
People talked about ‘being healthy’ for a new relationship, carrying baggage from old relationships, and going through rebound with a new relationship. All these were important and I refused to go through a rebound. If I fell for someone, it would be when I was healthy and ready. I wasn’t ready yet.
I decided I wouldn’t get my heart involved in any relationship for a while. Yeah, I was ok with dating, and fucking around some. Its normal. I’m no saint, and I love attention, feeling like a woman, Every woman does. And I’m just one of them. But it didn’t help my healing. That was separate.
Getting a quick fix, sure, that’s good, but like a drug, it masks the real pain underneath. I knew it.
Over the year of riding the roller-coaster, I attended some very great seminars and I changed how I thought. I learned about the mind and how everything we do and are, we are choosing.
It isn’t our circumstances pushing us to do and make decisions, choices. I choose Who I will be every moment of every day. I Choose!
His drama? Sure, I choose to let it affect me, weight me down, make me feel depressed, etc. (Its just a crappy road to go down, but that’s my crappy path!)
So, once I figured out that I can be listening and seeing drama play out in front of me, I can choose to let it enter my heart, get emotional, feel the weight, be hurt or upset by it… Its OK! OR I can let it fall in the air between me and them and hear them, listen and respond, but it doesn’t affect me if I don’t want it to. My choice. I have control.
We have a choice in the matter of our Being. I can Be ME, in every moment, AND I can let other people BE who they will Be as well. It makes for a peaceful, well, happy existence, day in and day out. I love it!!
Now, I am fully free to be who I am going to BE, without the pressure of judgement, or holding to anyone else’s expectations of me and how I should act, it really doesn’t matter. I’m just fabulous ME and I’m totally cool with that!
On the reverse, I allow for people to be, say, choose, who they will be around me, and that’s totally OK!
I think if I had learned this during my marriage, I could have provided a healthy way of living and loving and BEing, because down to the core of my heart, I could have loved with absolute acceptance of who he was choosing to be that day, with no strings.
But I live in reality, not wishful thinking. I live Today, Choosing and Being and 100% happy with my life, where I am right at this moment.
Through the death of a relationship, I gained my Self. The pain is a beautiful thing, and it was necessary to find Me. Its Okay!
Questa e la vita cosa che puoi fare,… It is what it is.