Tag Archives: dating

Mr. Wrong is Not a pussy!

It was Mr. Right, in Mr. Wrong’s body.

He was 50, not my normal date range, but ok. Actually I didn’t know it was a date to begin with. I understood we were meeting to talk business. Nope! Well, that too I guess.

I had a great time, and I think he did as well, but on some level we did not click.

Okay, he wasn’t Mr. R but he had a lot of the characteristics that fit my profile and in my history, that’s a huge step of improvement!

Granted, I’ve only been learning how to date for less than 18 months, and I’d consider I’m still new at this. I’m sure I said odd things and may have turned people off, but you know what, that is who I am, and fortunately for me, they’ve all been clearly Mr. Wrongs.

This guy however was different. I won’t go into details, but really I came away with,  “finally I’ve dated someone who is NOT a pussy!”

spartan

The great thing is that I have come far in my healing process to be able to date someone who fits my profile of manly-man gentleman warrior instead of guys who I’d consider my bro or less pussies, knowing there could never be anything further.

Its the recovery time I needed. Go out with non-threatening guys, because they won’t break your heart. It worked. Except my heart was not free to be broken, it was being mended. I needed to take that time before being able to really open up the possibility of a new relationship with someone. 

Huge steps! I spoke with my life coach who had encouraged me, “If you want a new man in your life, clear some space in your heart. Make space in the closet! And be open for when it happens. ”

I did. The space is cleared and I was able to attract the right kind of MAN. Its a good thing.

Now I know, only forward from here!

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close that business Down, girl!!!

Chasti… hmmmm, Def!

There is the question we women always face when in ‘the process’ and here it is…

Is this really what I want? 

So recently, I asked my doc to sew me closed for business.

Okay, he didn’t, but here is the idea that I keep coming back to. I am a one and only kinda girl, and will always be.

I got THE BELT.

The Chastity Belt of Virtue and Purity by my definition is:  the idea that I’m back at square 1, staying pure and whole as a woman, heart and soul and mind, until Robin Hood comes with his chain saw… or preferably a sword or some less rusty medieval weapon.

Yep! I got it on day and night, and occasionally take it off. But its on NOW!
What I’ve come to understand about myself in this great process of healing my soul, heart and mind, is that the desire for ‘the one’ is out there but in the meantime I have needs and wants. It all ends up being the same thing.

There is also the problem I have of attracting the wrong guy. (Really, he doesn’t fit my profile. My profile is actually, The Rock. Bigger is better, in my opinion.) These other attractions, attracting my attention and being a bandaid for the real thing is just that! A quick fix!  There’s really nothing wrong with that. Bandaids are fine, as long as I know it.

I get caught, thinking. Could I fall for this guy? #Forgetaboutit!!!

My stylist Chris has heard my announcement every time I sit in his chair, “I’m writing men off for GOOD! AND I’m joining the Nunnery! Its ridiculous!!!”

Oh Honey, don’t wear that thing for long! You don’t want to be sweeping those damn cobwebs out! Chris’ expert response.

My focus is on me, not dating, not messing around, I’m done with all that! I shall focus on my kids, forget men, and develop the woman I am, for a nice long while!

Then, when I’m good and ready, get back out there and see who has entered the world of big solid possibilities. When I do, I’ll practice my art of attraction and see what gives. It will be an interesting adventure.

For now, keeping my belt synched tight, focus on kids and work, I’ll have time to take for myself and heal. Its all good! It really is! wink


the death of a relationship

the death of a relationship

As most of us go through life, we fall in love, we lose love, we get our hearts filled and broken. It is normal, it happens, and it happens to Everyone.

When it happened to me, I realized a lot about myself. I went through the process that every woman and man goes through, the grieving. I was not alone on my emotional roller-coaster ride.

I was able to put my pain, my grieving, into perspective and ride it. Its ok to experience emotional outbursts of frustration and anger. I’m OK! This is normal, I’d tell myself. It helped. I needed to feel, cry, ache, hurt, grieve…

People talked about ‘being healthy’ for a new relationship, carrying baggage from old relationships, and going through rebound with a new relationship. All these were important and I refused to go through a rebound. If I fell for someone, it would be when I was healthy and ready. I wasn’t ready yet.

I decided I wouldn’t get my heart involved in any relationship for a while. Yeah, I was ok with dating, and fucking around some. Its normal. I’m no saint, and I love attention, feeling like a woman, Every woman does. And I’m just one of them. But it didn’t help my healing. That was separate.

Getting a quick fix, sure, that’s good, but like a drug, it masks the real pain underneath. I knew it.

Over the year of riding the roller-coaster, I attended some very great seminars and I changed how I thought. I learned about the mind and how everything we do and are, we are choosing.

It isn’t our circumstances pushing us to do and make decisions, choices. I choose Who I will be every moment of every day. I Choose!

His drama? Sure, I choose to let it affect me, weight me down, make me feel depressed, etc. (Its just a crappy road to go down, but that’s my crappy path!)

So, once I figured out that I can be listening and seeing drama play out in front of me, I can choose to let it enter my heart, get emotional, feel the weight, be hurt or upset by it… Its OK! OR I can let it fall in the air between me and them and hear them, listen and respond, but it doesn’t affect me if I don’t want it to. My choice. I have control.

We have a choice in the matter of our Being. I can Be ME, in every moment, AND I can let other people BE who they will Be as well. It makes for a peaceful, well, happy existence, day in and day out. I love it!!

Now, I am fully free to be who I am going to BE, without the pressure of judgement, or holding to anyone else’s expectations of me and how I should act, it really doesn’t matter. I’m just fabulous ME and I’m totally cool with that!

On the reverse, I allow for people to be, say, choose, who they will be around me, and that’s totally OK!

I think if I had learned this during my marriage, I could have provided a healthy way of living and loving and BEing, because down to the core of my heart, I could have loved with absolute acceptance of who he was choosing to be that day, with no strings.

But I live in reality, not wishful thinking. I live Today, Choosing and Being and 100% happy with my life, where I am right at this moment.

Through the death of a relationship, I gained my Self. The pain is a beautiful thing, and it was necessary to find Me. Its Okay!

Questa e la vita cosa che puoi fare,… It is what it is.


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