Tag Archives: depression

the pleasure of living ~

The question hung in the air between them, like a cartoon cloud with the words in bold.
‘”Why did you marry my Dad?” There was pain and anger in his eyes as he looked at her with his fists at his sides.
She looked at him, love and tenderness sparkling in her smile as she said,” Oh honey, it was the War! All of us girls married the soldiers going off to War. We knew they wouldn’t make it! It was the least we could do, to carry on their name.” She smiled and opened her arms. He hesitated and walked in, wrapping his arms around her waist, burring his blond head in her apron. Bright teary green eyes looked up and he nodded. He finally understood why his Mom was so happy.
“Every day is a reminder of our freedom, because of what your Dad did. And I would dishonor him and his sacrifice, if I didn’t live my life as happy as I could and loving every minute of it!” She wiped tears off his face and kissed his forehead.
He was looking like his dad more every day, she had said, and that made it ok now. He would never know him, never see him, but he would live every day, with his Dad’s name and the love and respect his Mom had for the man of valor, going off to war. It was ok now, to smile, to laugh, to live.

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for the red that looks grey

At times, in this ever changing mental/heart healing state of mind of mine, I am thrown into the grief of sad aloneness where my stores of literary feeling inspire,… I write. I have thought about why the feelings of joy and boundless energy keep me away from my mac, the ache and pain of the dying burrying heart bring me back to it.

Beating Grey

There is rhyme and reason to it all, I just don’t get it yet. What I do understand is that my states of mind are my choice and I like it. This sad loneliness of the dying dramatically romantic, is an interesting choice today. I chose it all day long. I used to think I was a victim of my circumstance, that I got dealt the sorry hand and inevitable, my outcome. HA.

This is now. I feel miserable. choice. I feel sad. choice. I feel grey. choice. Feed it cause I like it. Do I want to step into happy joy joy, No, I just want to stay here in my pathetic woe to me, poor me, boo me. If feels great!! Epiphany: I’m happy feeling unhappy.

Bleeding Grey

Do I bring myself out of this smooth ache of the bleeding grey? Yes. Simply, a choice!

Snap! Happy Love Joy Comfort Pounding Vibrant Heart Beat Smile Peace Twinkle Red Wink Yay!

I have a bright spot of happy to step into. Its in this perfect place, the glorious colorful garden of my mind and I can stay here all day if I want to. I think I will. Atleast for the rest of the day, and tomorrow?

I think I’ll attract positive energy, output and in, richly effect my surroundings, the people who meet me, the people who know me as I am, the people who know me as I used to be. Okay.

Bleeding

Its beautiful, this red that is red. And this is where I should stay…


Strategy of Unreasonable

Bart station

I assigned myself a very big project…  Have You Been Hugged Day, a national holiday in America to bring awareness of depression and prevention of suicide.

Though I generally don’t look at the process in daily life, building leaders, being unreasonable, challenging people to be greater than themselves, this is what I do. And I can be very passionate about it, lol!

Ticket in hand, I looked up to see a mass of people hurrying down the stairs, in a form of stampede to the window of the Station Security, and the curb.

Confused, I walked to the window, and found out for myself.

Bart was down. There was a fire on one of the trains stuck in the Oakland tunnel. Poor people! It sucked for the rest of us. Okay, Plan B…

Swap cars with the Nanny, and drive to the City.

I’m a spontaneous person in general and ideas come to mind quickly. Random, sometimes crazy ideas, but nonetheless they do pan out.

With my big project in mind, I decided I would see if any unfortunate Bart Hop-ers would carpool with me to the City. I was in a hurry as well.

Little did they know, I had a plan…

Carpool

A sign that read, “City Carpool I can take 6 peeps!” thrust through the passenger window waving, as I yelled out my invite. I was determined to fill up my seats and bring 6 stranded City workers to their job on time.

They came. “Thank you everyone for being spontaneous with me and riding with me to the City. My name is Karen and I’m an actor on my way to an audition…”

Small talk, then launch into my agenda. I told them all about the Project and what I had intended on creating with it. It was amazing! They were all enrolled in it and giving me more ideas.

I am the possibility of abundant love in my life and this was a perfect opportunity to bring goodness through a spontaneous adventure to some strangers just like me.

My carpoolers liked Have You Been Hugged Day, and they generously donated to the Cause. “You will have an amazing day today!” I called out with a smile and a wave.

It was fabulous seeing their happy, excited faces as they walked down Market St. on their way to work.

In a cray-cray way, I was able to touch some lives, and even fulfill on being unreasonable to get Have You Been Hugged Day, out there.

 


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