Tag Archives: emotion

for the red that looks grey

At times, in this ever changing mental/heart healing state of mind of mine, I am thrown into the grief of sad aloneness where my stores of literary feeling inspire,… I write. I have thought about why the feelings of joy and boundless energy keep me away from my mac, the ache and pain of the dying burrying heart bring me back to it.

Beating Grey

There is rhyme and reason to it all, I just don’t get it yet. What I do understand is that my states of mind are my choice and I like it. This sad loneliness of the dying dramatically romantic, is an interesting choice today. I chose it all day long. I used to think I was a victim of my circumstance, that I got dealt the sorry hand and inevitable, my outcome. HA.

This is now. I feel miserable. choice. I feel sad. choice. I feel grey. choice. Feed it cause I like it. Do I want to step into happy joy joy, No, I just want to stay here in my pathetic woe to me, poor me, boo me. If feels great!! Epiphany: I’m happy feeling unhappy.

Bleeding Grey

Do I bring myself out of this smooth ache of the bleeding grey? Yes. Simply, a choice!

Snap! Happy Love Joy Comfort Pounding Vibrant Heart Beat Smile Peace Twinkle Red Wink Yay!

I have a bright spot of happy to step into. Its in this perfect place, the glorious colorful garden of my mind and I can stay here all day if I want to. I think I will. Atleast for the rest of the day, and tomorrow?

I think I’ll attract positive energy, output and in, richly effect my surroundings, the people who meet me, the people who know me as I am, the people who know me as I used to be. Okay.


Its beautiful, this red that is red. And this is where I should stay…

fabulous swearing


The use of foul language never left the safety of ┬ámy mind till I began the process of divorce. I actually only thought those words, and sometimes I would say them under my breath, when I was alone and truly angry. I said “fuck”.

Actually, I really liked saying it. I’m in my mid thirties, discovering that saying swear words is fun! For whatever reason, expressing myself with a swear word is… enough. A word that can actually accurately describe my true deep loathsome feelings about something, it has to be a good thing.

Recently I learned that if you put a positive outlook to something, it changes it. For example, I was teaching my niece about the pain of weightlifting and cardio. It hurts and our minds say, hurt = bad, but when you decide that that kind of pain = good, then working out is changed for you. You begin to think of it as awesome and exciting and you can get pumped up about it.

I put a positive to my swearing. I’m OK with it. I don’t swear all of the time, since I like using the English language and all its wealth of words, however, swearing does not hold a bad or wrong meaning to me any longer.

To each, her own, and I’ll keep using my fabulous swear words, when I feel like it.



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