Tag Archives: human behavior

for the red that looks grey

At times, in this ever changing mental/heart healing state of mind of mine, I am thrown into the grief of sad aloneness where my stores of literary feeling inspire,… I write. I have thought about why the feelings of joy and boundless energy keep me away from my mac, the ache and pain of the dying burrying heart bring me back to it.

Beating Grey

There is rhyme and reason to it all, I just don’t get it yet. What I do understand is that my states of mind are my choice and I like it. This sad loneliness of the dying dramatically romantic, is an interesting choice today. I chose it all day long. I used to think I was a victim of my circumstance, that I got dealt the sorry hand and inevitable, my outcome. HA.

This is now. I feel miserable. choice. I feel sad. choice. I feel grey. choice. Feed it cause I like it. Do I want to step into happy joy joy, No, I just want to stay here in my pathetic woe to me, poor me, boo me. If feels great!! Epiphany: I’m happy feeling unhappy.

Bleeding Grey

Do I bring myself out of this smooth ache of the bleeding grey? Yes. Simply, a choice!

Snap! Happy Love Joy Comfort Pounding Vibrant Heart Beat Smile Peace Twinkle Red Wink Yay!

I have a bright spot of happy to step into. Its in this perfect place, the glorious colorful garden of my mind and I can stay here all day if I want to. I think I will. Atleast for the rest of the day, and tomorrow?

I think I’ll attract positive energy, output and in, richly effect my surroundings, the people who meet me, the people who know me as I am, the people who know me as I used to be. Okay.

Bleeding

Its beautiful, this red that is red. And this is where I should stay…

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Mr. Wrong is Not a pussy!

It was Mr. Right, in Mr. Wrong’s body.

He was 50, not my normal date range, but ok. Actually I didn’t know it was a date to begin with. I understood we were meeting to talk business. Nope! Well, that too I guess.

I had a great time, and I think he did as well, but on some level we did not click.

Okay, he wasn’t Mr. R but he had a lot of the characteristics that fit my profile and in my history, that’s a huge step of improvement!

Granted, I’ve only been learning how to date for less than 18 months, and I’d consider I’m still new at this. I’m sure I said odd things and may have turned people off, but you know what, that is who I am, and fortunately for me, they’ve all been clearly Mr. Wrongs.

This guy however was different. I won’t go into details, but really I came away with,  “finally I’ve dated someone who is NOT a pussy!”

spartan

The great thing is that I have come far in my healing process to be able to date someone who fits my profile of manly-man gentleman warrior instead of guys who I’d consider my bro or less pussies, knowing there could never be anything further.

Its the recovery time I needed. Go out with non-threatening guys, because they won’t break your heart. It worked. Except my heart was not free to be broken, it was being mended. I needed to take that time before being able to really open up the possibility of a new relationship with someone. 

Huge steps! I spoke with my life coach who had encouraged me, “If you want a new man in your life, clear some space in your heart. Make space in the closet! And be open for when it happens. ”

I did. The space is cleared and I was able to attract the right kind of MAN. Its a good thing.

Now I know, only forward from here!


Strategy of Unreasonable

Bart station

I assigned myself a very big project…  Have You Been Hugged Day, a national holiday in America to bring awareness of depression and prevention of suicide.

Though I generally don’t look at the process in daily life, building leaders, being unreasonable, challenging people to be greater than themselves, this is what I do. And I can be very passionate about it, lol!

Ticket in hand, I looked up to see a mass of people hurrying down the stairs, in a form of stampede to the window of the Station Security, and the curb.

Confused, I walked to the window, and found out for myself.

Bart was down. There was a fire on one of the trains stuck in the Oakland tunnel. Poor people! It sucked for the rest of us. Okay, Plan B…

Swap cars with the Nanny, and drive to the City.

I’m a spontaneous person in general and ideas come to mind quickly. Random, sometimes crazy ideas, but nonetheless they do pan out.

With my big project in mind, I decided I would see if any unfortunate Bart Hop-ers would carpool with me to the City. I was in a hurry as well.

Little did they know, I had a plan…

Carpool

A sign that read, “City Carpool I can take 6 peeps!” thrust through the passenger window waving, as I yelled out my invite. I was determined to fill up my seats and bring 6 stranded City workers to their job on time.

They came. “Thank you everyone for being spontaneous with me and riding with me to the City. My name is Karen and I’m an actor on my way to an audition…”

Small talk, then launch into my agenda. I told them all about the Project and what I had intended on creating with it. It was amazing! They were all enrolled in it and giving me more ideas.

I am the possibility of abundant love in my life and this was a perfect opportunity to bring goodness through a spontaneous adventure to some strangers just like me.

My carpoolers liked Have You Been Hugged Day, and they generously donated to the Cause. “You will have an amazing day today!” I called out with a smile and a wave.

It was fabulous seeing their happy, excited faces as they walked down Market St. on their way to work.

In a cray-cray way, I was able to touch some lives, and even fulfill on being unreasonable to get Have You Been Hugged Day, out there.

 


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