Tag Archives: Life

Headline: Santa hands out boobs in old ladies’ stockings.

Santa

(would make a very good headline)

This time of year is my favorite. Always has been and always will be. Its a bit different this year.

Okay, its different in the way that the Louis Vuitton purse I just got from the Thrift shop is a total STEAL and yeah… the scuffs, but I know how to polished those, No probs!, occurs as brand spankin’ new.

Christmas music plays loud in the background, the candles lit give off cinnamon and spice and warmth, the left-over strips of Christmas paper lay in piles on the floor, and the dregs of cold tea …not worth the sip… sits waiting, slippered feet stretch out on the coffee table taking a needed break, Happy Gilmore Kitty from Hell, crumples and cuddles up inside the shoe box of wrapping scraps, “awe” iSNAP!, while ringed fingers browse online for those last gifts, egifts – aren’t they the best! and, and the songs and the vids bring back some old, …very old, Christmas memories…

I was a first grader and it was raining. (Christmas was usually rainy.) We had to perform for all the parents and the entire school and I was shy. But I had grown tall enough to finally, finally fit into mybigsistersmaxidress! The dress I had wanted for YEARS, secretly of course! It was a little long, but it was mine now! I couldn’t wait to wear it!

It had a beautiful white top part and a long, very long black dress part with tiny white lace on the bottom and red ribbons. It was mine and I knew I’d be beautiful, SO Beautiful!

It was the dress. I don’t remember much about the rest of the night, but that dress made me feel big and wonderful and I wore it proudly that Christmas show, standing there with my barely healed broken arm and the rest of the first graders. ‘Look at me now, I’m the new owner of mybigsistersmaxidress!’ I loudly spoke out through my eyes to all the flashing cameras.

New. Looking at my life in a new way, a new perspective, new whatevs. So what do I look like to me, wearing the same skin, the same clothes, doing the same things every year, nothings changed, not that much and what’s different this time?

What I’m seeing is me, Me. Newly.

Me with Love, and Kindness and Tenderness. Loving me, all of me as I’ve not ever done. Making myself right, instead of wrong, giving me power and success and freedom to Be Me, everywhere, all the time!

What I’m creating is a new view of me, of who I am, seeing me fresh and radiant and loving life, filled with joy and inner beauty. I’ve taken a 6 month journey of self exploration, discovery, of treating myself with all those things I wanted deep down, like qualities missing from a relationship or just what I’ve been looking for and not finding.

Sexlessdetoxathon. Abstinence from sex, coffee and alcohol. (Coffee is the Big One!)

Its begun.

There are a few women jumpin’ on the wagon with me and we are out to create who we are, being powerful women, whole, complete and free to Be. Beautiful, Amazing, Loving, Tender and Kind, wearing our big girl panties.

This Christmas is different in that it is me, filling out myownbeautifulmaxidress and wearing it newly.

Spoil Alert: The package may still look the same on the outside. (No gift-wrap option, however I did hear Santa is handing out boobs for Christmas!)

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the pleasure of living ~

The question hung in the air between them, like a cartoon cloud with the words in bold.
‘”Why did you marry my Dad?” There was pain and anger in his eyes as he looked at her with his fists at his sides.
She looked at him, love and tenderness sparkling in her smile as she said,” Oh honey, it was the War! All of us girls married the soldiers going off to War. We knew they wouldn’t make it! It was the least we could do, to carry on their name.” She smiled and opened her arms. He hesitated and walked in, wrapping his arms around her waist, burring his blond head in her apron. Bright teary green eyes looked up and he nodded. He finally understood why his Mom was so happy.
“Every day is a reminder of our freedom, because of what your Dad did. And I would dishonor him and his sacrifice, if I didn’t live my life as happy as I could and loving every minute of it!” She wiped tears off his face and kissed his forehead.
He was looking like his dad more every day, she had said, and that made it ok now. He would never know him, never see him, but he would live every day, with his Dad’s name and the love and respect his Mom had for the man of valor, going off to war. It was ok now, to smile, to laugh, to live.


Numero Uno… bite me!

sperm-bike-copenhagen-photo-01

It became clear to me when I was preparing for my second attempt at a mock presentation that I had a way that life occurs for me. I come in second.

I’m a middle child, I describe myself as being second to the last, and I always pass my tests the second time around. I have Second like its a Statement for my Life! Look Everyone, I’m a Second Place Winner! Yay!

Something that I have told my sons when they are feeling down is, ‘…and remember, you beat the millions!’

Thinking about that today while getting ready for my second mock attempt, I’m actually first! I just have a ‘second place’ occurring in how I view myself, and apart from being perfectly right and cool to keep that occurring, I am also powerful and can create how I will occur newly. Its a choice, and I may have millions of ways in which I can occur for myself.

Being present with my humanity and looking around me at all the people, who are living and breathing and walking and working and laughing and crying and loving and hating and the small people and the big people and the people who stink and the people who smell nice and the People….

They are all Firsts, and They all have beat the Millions, when it counted in the Game of LIFE, and how privileged we all are to be walking around and smiling and laughing and winking at the other people who are First, just like You and just like me! How Awesome is THAT?!

My View I choose is one that allows me to win at my game. I choose to be a Winner, to succeed at what I do today because I am already a number ONE human being!


Beautiful…

Beautiful

The balmy dense air touched my skin through my clothes. Clouds moved in thick light puffs across the dark starred sky, blocking. The night lanterns placed here and there dripped with moisture, heat and dimmed the large glass encasings, which brought a kind of romantic hue to the solitary night.

My gaze… appreciating the pink in the martini glass that rested on the low wide wicker arm, watching the tiny bug circle and circle the clear glass, avoiding the condensation.

Mirroring the hushed light of the late night, my mind deep in thought. The days before… behind.

Under the glimmer of dark, I listened to a group of young men, the table over. It was interesting and not. Almost, I piped in to add to the conversation, and …no. Let me, be.

Earlier,

Hello boys!

“We followed you out here where it’s cooler.”

Yes, it was simply unbearable in there!

“Hahaaa.”

As I sat long reclining on the cushion-less chair, my seat sore from the long drive of the day, I listened and relaxed and enjoyed.

The deep male voices and my pink raspberry martini. Soaking in the night, with me.

A date with me. For a blissful first moment of time, I wasn’t missing something. For a blissful moment, my alone became… beautiful.

 


I’m talkin’ PUSSY! Stop it!!

New View

The coffee foam swirled in the large cup and I watched it go round and round, watching the cinnamon making lines in the foam inside the circle. I took a sip. Cold.

I thought to myself, who am I? What kind of life do I want to have? What am I doing?

Someone told me a few days back, make a list of all the things in your life you want to improve. Good advice.

I made my list. All the things I want to improve, all the complaints about my life, my home, my career, my time management, my finances, and so on.

As I made this list, I realized something profound. My favorite saying, Questa e la vita cosa che poui fare, This is the life, it is just what it is,… is NOT just what it is, It IS what It ISN’T!

My life, the day in and day out, the moments, with my kids, with friends and fam, the small increments of time I cherish and don’t, the things that don’t get done, the appointments I forget, the big pile of laundry to fold, …the life I create, that is what it is. And it is what it is not.

What it is not is the life that I want and choose for myself. I choose a different life and I am in the same vein, feeling puny and powerless to have that life I choose to have.

Why is that? I’m looking at that life from the view of Here and Now, with my list of upcoming meetings to make, the deadlines needing to be met, and at home… the laundry on my bed, the dishes in the sink, the littler box needing to be cleaned again, the tires on my minivan needing to be changed… This, is my View and that is why I’m feeling powerless to do anything about it.

The life I want to live is free of the constraints of the Here and Now, to have the successes I dream about and want, the lives I want to touch with love and kindness of being who I am, the people I want to help save, the lifestyle I choose to live, the accomplishments I set out to attain, and I am looking at all that, all of it with the view of right Here and right Now. None of it will never get done!!! Its a pussified view and it makes me exhausted to look at it!! I have no way of getting there if I look at it with my pussyglasses. Stop IT!!

Stop being a pussy and get some IRON BALLS! Keep those new Ray Bans View on your face Lady and start living your life with some Giant-Assed Iron Balls! Your future you are living into, is now, RIGHT NOW! Stop the Pussytalk!

I smiled to myself as I got into my minivian and looked through the upside down number 2 my son had drawn with marker on my windshield. I was thinking 5 years from now, how my life will have changed so much and who I will have become, where I will be living. It was with the determination of inspiration, I drove away from the coffee shop.

My day just got fun and very busy.

 

 


4:00-4:15 think

My life-coach told me this today, “Schedule your time to do everything, because you have to make time for yourself and your kids, otherwise something suffers.” Yeah, Me.

Okay, I’m not really a scheduler, however I’m more than willing to give it a shot. I schedule appointments no problem, or conference calls, or gym, I don’t schedule time to play piano, or read a book, I usually wing it! At least that’s how I roll.

My complaint is that I just don’t have time to read or do anything I really want. Hahahaaa! Liar! Princess Bride

My real issue is I don’t know how to be efficient with my time. If I was, then I’d have plenty of time to do EVERYTHING I want and then some!

I’ve stopped complaining. I have a lot to learn.

Schedule out just 1 day. Simple.

7 alarm, 7:20 alarm, 8:17 kids to school, 9:15 Starbucks, 9:30 dentist, 10:15 mt bike diablo (warm clothing this time and gloves), 12 pick up son, 12:30 lunch, 12:45 play a game, 1:20 school, 1:40 hang out and chat with moms, hmmm… I missed a birthday party in there somewhere… do over. lol!

If I actually schedule my time wisely and stick to it, I’d have time to do the things I want like learn a new song, or finish my book.

Its interesting thinking about how many actual waking hours I have in the day, and how many are productively being used and how many are actually ticking by with me sitting thinking about them ticking by. I think I’ll schedule some time to think about time ticking by. hahaahhaha! I do it enough!!!!


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