Tag Archives: positive

for the red that looks grey

At times, in this ever changing mental/heart healing state of mind of mine, I am thrown into the grief of sad aloneness where my stores of literary feeling inspire,… I write. I have thought about why the feelings of joy and boundless energy keep me away from my mac, the ache and pain of the dying burrying heart bring me back to it.

Beating Grey

There is rhyme and reason to it all, I just don’t get it yet. What I do understand is that my states of mind are my choice and I like it. This sad loneliness of the dying dramatically romantic, is an interesting choice today. I chose it all day long. I used to think I was a victim of my circumstance, that I got dealt the sorry hand and inevitable, my outcome. HA.

This is now. I feel miserable. choice. I feel sad. choice. I feel grey. choice. Feed it cause I like it. Do I want to step into happy joy joy, No, I just want to stay here in my pathetic woe to me, poor me, boo me. If feels great!! Epiphany: I’m happy feeling unhappy.

Bleeding Grey

Do I bring myself out of this smooth ache of the bleeding grey? Yes. Simply, a choice!

Snap! Happy Love Joy Comfort Pounding Vibrant Heart Beat Smile Peace Twinkle Red Wink Yay!

I have a bright spot of happy to step into. Its in this perfect place, the glorious colorful garden of my mind and I can stay here all day if I want to. I think I will. Atleast for the rest of the day, and tomorrow?

I think I’ll attract positive energy, output and in, richly effect my surroundings, the people who meet me, the people who know me as I am, the people who know me as I used to be. Okay.

Bleeding

Its beautiful, this red that is red. And this is where I should stay…

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falling with dignity

falling with dignity

There is no other way to describe it. Divorce sucks!!

When one is in the middle of it, its easy to feel negative about almost everything. Divorce knocked my world upside down and I’m beginning from ground zero. What will I do? How will I make it this month? If only I had been prepared, if only I knew…

Where I came from, my lifestyle of the rich and not famous… Where I lived without worrying about cost, spending $$ on fine dining, the gorgeous shoes, gardener, maid, the House… The only thing I really had to worry about was my broken nail and getting it fixed! The picture of a luxurious carefree lifestyle.

Easy to live in the wishful thinking and dwelling on the negative. That’s the easy part. The hard part is seeing something positive out of it. But is it?

What’s positive about having $60 dollars in the bank account and its only mid-month?! What’s positive about no job, feeding 3 kids, and credit card debt?!! What’s positive about not having any $$ to pay the attorney fees and no idea where it will come from?! Hahaa! Nothing!

Ok, so I have it bad. I have it really Really bad. But honestly I’m not complaining. It isn’t about thinking positive, or negative, it’s about thinking about it as just what it is, with no emotion to it. Just facts.

I know how to turn this situation around. I know how to get things done, it’s the DOing part that I get stuck on. How am I going to DO it?! If I stop putting emotion to it, I can do anything!

I can let the past choices get to me, but that gets me nowhere. So I will not even go there. It doesn’t help any!

I’ve asked myself, do I swallow my pride and work at a restaurant, do I hire myself out to clean houses? What would I be good at? How will I survive with my 3 growing kids on virtually nothing for the rest of the month?!

When survival is on the table, a mother’s desperation kicks in and guess what, there is no room for pride. I realized that I will do almost ANYTHING, just so my kids will have food in their tummy, a roof over their head, transportation, etc… Mothers Survival is in the bag! We have surviving DOWN!

I shall DO whatever I have to do. Dog-walking, baby sitting, anything and everything I can do.

It isn’t about what I came from, my dignity remains intact. Take anyone, strip everything away,… we all are the same. It makes no difference. We all are just who we are, people. People who love, hurt, give and take. Just people.

And there is always someone else who could use that $60, more than me and my three. I have everything to be thankful for. Everything!

 


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