Tag Archives: psyche

Numero Uno… bite me!

sperm-bike-copenhagen-photo-01

It became clear to me when I was preparing for my second attempt at a mock presentation that I had a way that life occurs for me. I come in second.

I’m a middle child, I describe myself as being second to the last, and I always pass my tests the second time around. I have Second like its a Statement for my Life! Look Everyone, I’m a Second Place Winner! Yay!

Something that I have told my sons when they are feeling down is, ‘…and remember, you beat the millions!’

Thinking about that today while getting ready for my second mock attempt, I’m actually first! I just have a ‘second place’ occurring in how I view myself, and apart from being perfectly right and cool to keep that occurring, I am also powerful and can create how I will occur newly. Its a choice, and I may have millions of ways in which I can occur for myself.

Being present with my humanity and looking around me at all the people, who are living and breathing and walking and working and laughing and crying and loving and hating and the small people and the big people and the people who stink and the people who smell nice and the People….

They are all Firsts, and They all have beat the Millions, when it counted in the Game of LIFE, and how privileged we all are to be walking around and smiling and laughing and winking at the other people who are First, just like You and just like me! How Awesome is THAT?!

My View I choose is one that allows me to win at my game. I choose to be a Winner, to succeed at what I do today because I am already a number ONE human being!


for the red that looks grey

At times, in this ever changing mental/heart healing state of mind of mine, I am thrown into the grief of sad aloneness where my stores of literary feeling inspire,… I write. I have thought about why the feelings of joy and boundless energy keep me away from my mac, the ache and pain of the dying burrying heart bring me back to it.

Beating Grey

There is rhyme and reason to it all, I just don’t get it yet. What I do understand is that my states of mind are my choice and I like it. This sad loneliness of the dying dramatically romantic, is an interesting choice today. I chose it all day long. I used to think I was a victim of my circumstance, that I got dealt the sorry hand and inevitable, my outcome. HA.

This is now. I feel miserable. choice. I feel sad. choice. I feel grey. choice. Feed it cause I like it. Do I want to step into happy joy joy, No, I just want to stay here in my pathetic woe to me, poor me, boo me. If feels great!! Epiphany: I’m happy feeling unhappy.

Bleeding Grey

Do I bring myself out of this smooth ache of the bleeding grey? Yes. Simply, a choice!

Snap! Happy Love Joy Comfort Pounding Vibrant Heart Beat Smile Peace Twinkle Red Wink Yay!

I have a bright spot of happy to step into. Its in this perfect place, the glorious colorful garden of my mind and I can stay here all day if I want to. I think I will. Atleast for the rest of the day, and tomorrow?

I think I’ll attract positive energy, output and in, richly effect my surroundings, the people who meet me, the people who know me as I am, the people who know me as I used to be. Okay.

Bleeding

Its beautiful, this red that is red. And this is where I should stay…


timeless

Present and the present again and again


perfection for the emptiness

Love

Can one truly know

The shape the size the quality

Maybe there is no measure nor real gauge

the vastness and beauty the treasure

Love speaks truth

Truth

To the eyes of the heart

where there is grace and peace and compassion

For what is real and what is now

Heart

Truth cannot hide within

the deep of the heart

True is too great and must shine to Be

and welcome what will Be

The joy and goodness of Love

The generosity of Truth

Great and without conquer nor containment

of that which speaks out

the past and the present again and again

~ K. Gibson

August 31, 2013


close that business Down, girl!!!

Chasti… hmmmm, Def!

There is the question we women always face when in ‘the process’ and here it is…

Is this really what I want? 

So recently, I asked my doc to sew me closed for business.

Okay, he didn’t, but here is the idea that I keep coming back to. I am a one and only kinda girl, and will always be.

I got THE BELT.

The Chastity Belt of Virtue and Purity by my definition is:  the idea that I’m back at square 1, staying pure and whole as a woman, heart and soul and mind, until Robin Hood comes with his chain saw… or preferably a sword or some less rusty medieval weapon.

Yep! I got it on day and night, and occasionally take it off. But its on NOW!
What I’ve come to understand about myself in this great process of healing my soul, heart and mind, is that the desire for ‘the one’ is out there but in the meantime I have needs and wants. It all ends up being the same thing.

There is also the problem I have of attracting the wrong guy. (Really, he doesn’t fit my profile. My profile is actually, The Rock. Bigger is better, in my opinion.) These other attractions, attracting my attention and being a bandaid for the real thing is just that! A quick fix!  There’s really nothing wrong with that. Bandaids are fine, as long as I know it.

I get caught, thinking. Could I fall for this guy? #Forgetaboutit!!!

My stylist Chris has heard my announcement every time I sit in his chair, “I’m writing men off for GOOD! AND I’m joining the Nunnery! Its ridiculous!!!”

Oh Honey, don’t wear that thing for long! You don’t want to be sweeping those damn cobwebs out! Chris’ expert response.

My focus is on me, not dating, not messing around, I’m done with all that! I shall focus on my kids, forget men, and develop the woman I am, for a nice long while!

Then, when I’m good and ready, get back out there and see who has entered the world of big solid possibilities. When I do, I’ll practice my art of attraction and see what gives. It will be an interesting adventure.

For now, keeping my belt synched tight, focus on kids and work, I’ll have time to take for myself and heal. Its all good! It really is! wink


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