Tag Archives: Pattern

Discovery in Reality

DSC04655

The little square of paper tore as the Girl held it between her fingers.  She purposefully walked to the center garbage can to be closer, pulled out the tiny swipe of alcohol and began rubbing her fingers with it.

I love your skirt, the Lady had said.

Something had pulled at the Girl. She had seen it in the stranger’s demeanor, her expression. Somehow she knew.

The opening was made. Chitchat. The Girl smiled and the kindness in the Lady’s eyes held hers and she shared her heart.

She shared why she was there. At the gas station. The emotion, the sadness, the overwhelming longing and mystery of discovering Why and When and How and WHY. The Girl, was alone.

The Lady was alone. There was kindness. Content. No, peace.

Do you want to have dinner with me? The Girl asked.

Okay. I’ll follow you. The Lady weighted.

The Girl, not knowing the area, drove here and there searching for a place. All the while, the Lady stayed just behind her.

Thoughts came and went, doubts, scenarios, questions until finally, the Girl found a place in an old hotel that was perfect.

They entered together and kind music carried them to the corner table. The Singer was gentle and sweet and his acoustic guitar soothed the empty bar.

After the Girl unloaded her emotional tirade of self discovery and frustration, the Lady shared her life.

70’s. Alone. 4 sons, 9 grandchildren, top Special Ed teacher in the state. The Lady told stories of her experience as a teacher. Her job was one of the highest drop out jobs, and yet here she was in her 70’s still teaching.

Compassion, tenderness, love. These, she said, were what she gave her students success. The Lady worked with severely emotionally traumatized children and rehabilitated them to be able to attend schools and grow up to have a relatively normal life. How she got through to them was compassion and being able to see to the heart of the child.

She spoke of a tall and very large Boy who had Autism, and wouldn’t do anything. Everyone was afraid of the Boy who, she described as resembling the Pillsbury Dough boy, would scream and throw tantrums and not do anything but stand off to the side, alone.

One day she went over and poked him.

He said, Why did you poke me?

Because I wanted to. She replied.

This went on for days and weeks. It became a game and before long, the Lady and the Boy were dodging each other so much, they were jumping.

Look! We are Dancing! The Lady said.

The Boy with size 16 shoes laughed and began dancing with her.

I’m Dancing! I’m Dancing! I can Dance!! The Boy exclaimed.

After that, the Boy was happy to be at school, be part of the class. That love and compassion shown him, made all the difference.

The Lady impressed on the Girl, No matter what you do in life, make time for compassion and love, for it is the language we all understand.

The Girl and the Lady walked away as friends with a shared understanding of love for others and at the same time, love for themselves.

The Singer, watched the two ladies who knew each other a long time. His voice followed them out as he sang his closing song, California Dreamin’.

 

 


I’m talkin’ PUSSY! Stop it!!

New View

The coffee foam swirled in the large cup and I watched it go round and round, watching the cinnamon making lines in the foam inside the circle. I took a sip. Cold.

I thought to myself, who am I? What kind of life do I want to have? What am I doing?

Someone told me a few days back, make a list of all the things in your life you want to improve. Good advice.

I made my list. All the things I want to improve, all the complaints about my life, my home, my career, my time management, my finances, and so on.

As I made this list, I realized something profound. My favorite saying, Questa e la vita cosa che poui fare, This is the life, it is just what it is,… is NOT just what it is, It IS what It ISN’T!

My life, the day in and day out, the moments, with my kids, with friends and fam, the small increments of time I cherish and don’t, the things that don’t get done, the appointments I forget, the big pile of laundry to fold, …the life I create, that is what it is. And it is what it is not.

What it is not is the life that I want and choose for myself. I choose a different life and I am in the same vein, feeling puny and powerless to have that life I choose to have.

Why is that? I’m looking at that life from the view of Here and Now, with my list of upcoming meetings to make, the deadlines needing to be met, and at home… the laundry on my bed, the dishes in the sink, the littler box needing to be cleaned again, the tires on my minivan needing to be changed… This, is my View and that is why I’m feeling powerless to do anything about it.

The life I want to live is free of the constraints of the Here and Now, to have the successes I dream about and want, the lives I want to touch with love and kindness of being who I am, the people I want to help save, the lifestyle I choose to live, the accomplishments I set out to attain, and I am looking at all that, all of it with the view of right Here and right Now. None of it will never get done!!! Its a pussified view and it makes me exhausted to look at it!! I have no way of getting there if I look at it with my pussyglasses. Stop IT!!

Stop being a pussy and get some IRON BALLS! Keep those new Ray Bans View on your face Lady and start living your life with some Giant-Assed Iron Balls! Your future you are living into, is now, RIGHT NOW! Stop the Pussytalk!

I smiled to myself as I got into my minivian and looked through the upside down number 2 my son had drawn with marker on my windshield. I was thinking 5 years from now, how my life will have changed so much and who I will have become, where I will be living. It was with the determination of inspiration, I drove away from the coffee shop.

My day just got fun and very busy.

 

 


#cryingwithpinky

The rain had been coming down in sheets and we were confined inside. Wrapped in my throw, I pulled out my laptop to begin perusing the blogs, emails, while my kids rough-housed on my bed in the other room. The calm at my table was broken by an overwhelming flow of tears burning the blanket in my hands. I was not ok.

The news that my ex was disputing property rents, which actually helped us make it through each month, was a shock, and I was faced with how the hell am I going to make it one more month?!! I was strapped, completely strapped and I still wasn’t divorced! “I am so alone” I bawled.

#cryingwithpinky

This was not the only time I found myself in this situation. I seemed to have been here before…

Earlier in the day I had been wrapping my head around the pattern I had noticed. It had nothing to do with finances, actually it had everything to do with love. I was questioning why I was going through my typical relationship #fagetaboutit mental monologue. Was it really because the guy just isn’t interested in me anymore, or something else? It had been… almost 2 months. Yeah, it was time to pull away. Why!?

What made me want to pull out after this long of investing and really liking the guy? Okay, he did say some things that had me question if he really was interested in me, and yes, I still needed to have that “talk” but did he actually say, Babe, I’m not interested in you anymore? No.

I called my life-coach, who said the same thing. Okay, the game’s not over yet deary! However, I still was wondering why this pattern… why did I invest in recon, get my heart there, then mission abort? It did not make sense, and I wanted a relationship, I really liked this guy!

Analyzing patterns was a typical thing inside my brain. I wanted perfection, to be whole, for a new relationship.

It had something to do with feeling alone. Alone, I did very well! I was alone in college, before that even! I was alone in my marriage, my long long marriage, I am alone now…

‘I can do Alone beautifully!’ I told my coach. But what I didn’t want was to BE alone. I didn’t want to feel alone. I wanted to feel loved, to know someone, somewhere, loved me and thought of me and was interested in me, the actual me, not just the physical side, which is of course great as well!

This interesting mental dialogue  was difficult to face. I had developed a very tough exterior, so tough that complements didn’t land on me. I had a problem receiving acknowledgment, praise. This was part of it too. Somewhere along my crazy life, I developed an ‘I am not loved’ way to be. It worked perfectly. Attached to that was probably, I am alone. So with “I am not loved, I’m alone” girl, I made my life a living source of powerful strength and in there was the shield of unlovability and that Sucks! That Sucks right there!

Peel away another layer of that onion Sweetheart!  Still didn’t have the answer, but at least I was on to something. For everything else, the silver lining always comes with the pink rainbow in the morning and I could smile.


4:00-4:15 think

My life-coach told me this today, “Schedule your time to do everything, because you have to make time for yourself and your kids, otherwise something suffers.” Yeah, Me.

Okay, I’m not really a scheduler, however I’m more than willing to give it a shot. I schedule appointments no problem, or conference calls, or gym, I don’t schedule time to play piano, or read a book, I usually wing it! At least that’s how I roll.

My complaint is that I just don’t have time to read or do anything I really want. Hahahaaa! Liar! Princess Bride

My real issue is I don’t know how to be efficient with my time. If I was, then I’d have plenty of time to do EVERYTHING I want and then some!

I’ve stopped complaining. I have a lot to learn.

Schedule out just 1 day. Simple.

7 alarm, 7:20 alarm, 8:17 kids to school, 9:15 Starbucks, 9:30 dentist, 10:15 mt bike diablo (warm clothing this time and gloves), 12 pick up son, 12:30 lunch, 12:45 play a game, 1:20 school, 1:40 hang out and chat with moms, hmmm… I missed a birthday party in there somewhere… do over. lol!

If I actually schedule my time wisely and stick to it, I’d have time to do the things I want like learn a new song, or finish my book.

Its interesting thinking about how many actual waking hours I have in the day, and how many are productively being used and how many are actually ticking by with me sitting thinking about them ticking by. I think I’ll schedule some time to think about time ticking by. hahaahhaha! I do it enough!!!!


blue fall

Fall is in full color, with vibrant shades to deeper grays. Its the ever glorious shades of the beautiful Scorpio. Mmmmagic!

fall tie dye

 

fall tie dye

 

fall tie dye

 

Michael Kors knit sweater, AMB tie dye top, Marc Fisher boots, Franco Sarto cross-body purse

Model K. Gibson, Photo Shoot by Carmen

 


Polka-Dot Power

 

 

 

They keep coming back!

 

I like polka-dots! They have stood the test of time and are back on the racks this Fall!

 

As a young girl, I remember a particular dress I chose for Easter. White ruffled skirt with black polka-dots and a black cap-sleeve button up top. I loved it! Sadly, I have not donned the dots in years.

 

The Dots out there now however, have certainly caught my eye!

 

 

Rachel Zoe Polka-dot Scarf Top

 

 

Kate Spade Maya Dot-print Shift Dress

 

 

Kate Spade Cap-Sleeve Top

 

 

 

 

The power of the Dot is contagious…

So why not brighten up your wardrobe with a few Dots this Fall?!! I certainly will!

 

 


Wedge Wear day AND night!

Sandals are the first choice in shoe fashion where I live in California. Wedges are EVERYWHERE!

I love mine and have several pairs to choose from. But… I always need more!

At a recent Wine and Chocolate Stroll in fashionable downtown Danville, women were out in their cute wedges for some guaranteed night fun.  I had on my preferred heels, but what I saw, I loved!

I normally choose my colorful wedges for day-wear, however I think I’ll pull out a pair the next time I’m out at night as well!

 

Here’s to finding the versatile wedge!

My Picks:

Chinese Laundry

Lucky Brand

Naughty Monkey at Zappos

Seychelles

and my absolute favorite

Cesare Paciotti

Of course I’d wear those Cesare Paciotti’s anywhere! But for the casual fun in my downtown, I’d have to choose Naughty Monkey for their flare.


Flip Your Flops

Love your toes?

She won’t!

Men have hotter views to show us, of the fairer sex, than their feet. To put it plainly, narly toes sporting flip-flops are NOT OK!

The large population of men who wear them, don them for the cooling effect rather than fashion.

So try this alternative that is catching on in hot waves… Espadrilles! They are the best of both worlds. We don’t see your toes and you keep cool while looking HOT at the same time!

Made to conform to your foot, the canvas and rope sole espadrille breathes and allows for comfort on hot days.

Tip: With these classics, sizing down is a good thing. The canvas will stretch and fit your shape perfectly.

My Picks:

Soludos

Tom’s

Drilleys

Save your flip-flops for the beach or pool and wear Espadrilles instead for bumming around.


Toss Your Blues

Pastels are IN! From pinks to shades of yellows, Jeans have been given a tried and true bold wash. For the Trend-setter, these colors are a gold mine! The options are endless!

This time last year, I noticed few ladies braving the colorful denim. These colors are not new so I expect a greater population of bold legs will be showing off their fun fashion this year.

As most of us know, lighter colors add width, darker colors slim down. You know your body better than anyone, so choose your shade to your shape.

My Picks:

Citizens of Humanity

BCBG

Joe’s Jeans

VS

 7 For All Mankind


Flat Fashion

 

 

 

Flats are our sole’s traveling relief, whether on our feet or in our bag.

I love mine, and I take them everywhere! When the weather is wet and a little chilly, I like to keep my toes enclosed.

This winter I chose a perfectly red flat to add some pop in my drab wardrobe. But now that Spring colors are blooming on the shelves, I’m out to look for a softer pair…

 

 

 

 

I came across some Crocs while shopping and…

though their styles are looking a little less harsh on the eyes, I would have to be PAID to wear a pair.

My Picks:

 

 

Sperry Top-Sider

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Delman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sam Edelman


%d bloggers like this: