Headline: Santa hands out boobs in old ladies’ stockings.

(would make a very good headline)

This time of year is my favorite. Always has been and always will be. Its a bit different this year.

Okay, its different in the way that the Louis Vuitton purse I just got from the Thrift shop is a total STEAL and yeah… the scuffs, but I know how to polished those, No probs!, occurs as brand spankin’ new.

Christmas music plays loud in the background, the candles lit give off cinnamon and spice and warmth, the left-over strips of Christmas paper lay in piles on the floor, and the dregs of cold tea …not worth the sip… sits waiting, slippered feet stretch out on the coffee table taking a needed break, Happy Gilmore Kitty from Hell, crumples and cuddles up inside the shoe box of wrapping scraps, “awe” iSNAP!, while ringed fingers browse online for those last gifts, egifts – aren’t they the best! and, and the songs and the vids bring back some old, …very old, Christmas memories…

I was a first grader and it was raining. (Christmas was usually rainy.) We had to perform for all the parents and the entire school and I was shy. But I had grown tall enough to finally, finally fit into mybigsistersmaxidress! The dress I had wanted for YEARS, secretly of course! It was a little long, but it was mine now! I couldn’t wait to wear it!

It had a beautiful white top part and a long, very long black dress part with tiny white lace on the bottom and red ribbons. It was mine and I knew I’d be beautiful, SO Beautiful!

It was the dress. I don’t remember much about the rest of the night, but that dress made me feel big and wonderful and I wore it proudly that Christmas show, standing there with my barely healed broken arm and the rest of the first graders. ‘Look at me now, I’m the new owner of mybigsistersmaxidress!’ I loudly spoke out through my eyes to all the flashing cameras.

New. Looking at my life in a new way, a new perspective, new whatevs. So what do I look like to me, wearing the same skin, the same clothes, doing the same things every year, nothings changed, not that much and what’s different this time?

What I’m seeing is me, Me. Newly.

Me with Love, and Kindness and Tenderness. Loving me, all of me as I’ve not ever done. Making myself right, instead of wrong, giving me power and success and freedom to Be Me, everywhere, all the time!

What I’m creating is a new view of me, of who I am, seeing me fresh and radiant and loving life, filled with joy and inner beauty. I’ve taken a 6 month journey of self exploration, discovery, of treating myself with all those things I wanted deep down, like qualities missing from a relationship or just what I’ve been looking for and not finding.

Sexlessdetoxathon. Abstinence from sex, coffee and alcohol. (Coffee is the Big One!)

Its begun.

There are a few women jumpin’ on the wagon with me and we are out to create who we are, being powerful women, whole, complete and free to Be. Beautiful, Amazing, Loving, Tender and Kind, wearing our big girl panties.

This Christmas is different in that it is me, filling out myownbeautifulmaxidress and wearing it newly.

Spoil Alert: The package may still look the same on the outside. (No gift-wrap option, however I did hear Santa is handing out boobs for Christmas!)

F That!!

 

 

 

Have you ever been in a moment where you Stop, and with the information you have, respond with one extreme or the other?

OF COURSE You have!!!

You go through the 3F’s!  Freeze. Flight. Fight.

Response time varies with each brain process. Mine is sometimes slow. I probably take a good 2 seconds to figure out if I will F or F.

It was my gf’s bday and we had just come back from a massage where they wrote ‘happy birthday’ in chocolate with a little melting chocolate covered mouse cake and some delightful champagne.

By the time we had got set up with several toasts in and a mini foto shoot at the pool, …Life was good!

And the rest is story.

Looking at the 3Fs, I consider why I respond the way I do.

Is it my commitment? Where my thoughts and emotions are in the moment? Does it have to do with my past experience? Some learned patterns?

What is the reason for responding with a Freeze, Flight or Fight? We all respond.

By wiki definition: a physiological reaction that occurs in response to a perceived harmful event, attack, or threat to survival.

Lets take a look at it, shall we?

Freeze: no need for explanation

Flight: self- explanatory

Fight: yep!

Okay, so we have outlined what each response does and the conclusion is in the chocolate.

Survival of Self.

Glorious… Fabulous… Extraordinary… Self.

 

I’m talkin’ PUSSY! Stop it!!

The coffee foam swirled in the large cup and I watched it go round and round, watching the cinnamon making lines in the foam inside the circle. I took a sip. Cold.

I thought to myself, who am I? What kind of life do I want to have? What am I doing?

Someone told me a few days back, make a list of all the things in your life you want to improve. Good advice.

I made my list. All the things I want to improve, all the complaints about my life, my home, my career, my time management, my finances, and so on.

As I made this list, I realized something profound. My favorite saying, Questa e la vita cosa che poui fare, This is the life, it is just what it is,… is NOT just what it is, It IS what It ISN’T!

My life, the day in and day out, the moments, with my kids, with friends and fam, the small increments of time I cherish and don’t, the things that don’t get done, the appointments I forget, the big pile of laundry to fold, …the life I create, that is what it is. And it is what it is not.

What it is not is the life that I want and choose for myself. I choose a different life and I am in the same vein, feeling puny and powerless to have that life I choose to have.

Why is that? I’m looking at that life from the view of Here and Now, with my list of upcoming meetings to make, the deadlines needing to be met, and at home… the laundry on my bed, the dishes in the sink, the littler box needing to be cleaned again, the tires on my minivan needing to be changed… This, is my View and that is why I’m feeling powerless to do anything about it.

The life I want to live is free of the constraints of the Here and Now, to have the successes I dream about and want, the lives I want to touch with love and kindness of being who I am, the people I want to help save, the lifestyle I choose to live, the accomplishments I set out to attain, and I am looking at all that, all of it with the view of right Here and right Now. None of it will never get done!!! Its a pussified view and it makes me exhausted to look at it!! I have no way of getting there if I look at it with my pussyglasses. Stop IT!!

Stop being a pussy and get some IRON BALLS! Keep those new Ray Bans View on your face Lady and start living your life with some Giant-Assed Iron Balls! Your future you are living into, is now, RIGHT NOW! Stop the Pussytalk!

I smiled to myself as I got into my minivian and looked through the upside down number 2 my son had drawn with marker on my windshield. I was thinking 5 years from now, how my life will have changed so much and who I will have become, where I will be living. It was with the determination of inspiration, I drove away from the coffee shop.

My day just got fun and very busy.

 

 

4:00-4:15 think

My life-coach told me this today, “Schedule your time to do everything, because you have to make time for yourself and your kids, otherwise something suffers.” Yeah, Me.

Okay, I’m not really a scheduler, however I’m more than willing to give it a shot. I schedule appointments no problem, or conference calls, or gym, I don’t schedule time to play piano, or read a book, I usually wing it! At least that’s how I roll.

My complaint is that I just don’t have time to read or do anything I really want. Hahahaaa! Liar! 

My real issue is I don’t know how to be efficient with my time. If I was, then I’d have plenty of time to do EVERYTHING I want and then some!

I’ve stopped complaining. I have a lot to learn.

Schedule out just 1 day. Simple.

7 alarm, 7:20 alarm, 8:17 kids to school, 9:15 Starbucks, 9:30 dentist, 10:15 mt bike diablo (warm clothing this time and gloves), 12 pick up son, 12:30 lunch, 12:45 play a game, 1:20 school, 1:40 hang out and chat with moms, hmmm… I missed a birthday party in there somewhere… do over. lol!

If I actually schedule my time wisely and stick to it, I’d have time to do the things I want like learn a new song, or finish my book.

Its interesting thinking about how many actual waking hours I have in the day, and how many are productively being used and how many are actually ticking by with me sitting thinking about them ticking by. I think I’ll schedule some time to think about time ticking by. hahaahhaha! I do it enough!!!!

the death of a relationship

As most of us go through life, we fall in love, we lose love, we get our hearts filled and broken. It is normal, it happens, and it happens to Everyone.

When it happened to me, I realized a lot about myself. I went through the process that every woman and man goes through, the grieving. I was not alone on my emotional roller-coaster ride.

I was able to put my pain, my grieving, into perspective and ride it. Its ok to experience emotional outbursts of frustration and anger. I’m OK! This is normal, I’d tell myself. It helped. I needed to feel, cry, ache, hurt, grieve…

People talked about ‘being healthy’ for a new relationship, carrying baggage from old relationships, and going through rebound with a new relationship. All these were important and I refused to go through a rebound. If I fell for someone, it would be when I was healthy and ready. I wasn’t ready yet.

I decided I wouldn’t get my heart involved in any relationship for a while. Yeah, I was ok with dating, and fucking around some. Its normal. I’m no saint, and I love attention, feeling like a woman, Every woman does. And I’m just one of them. But it didn’t help my healing. That was separate.

Getting a quick fix, sure, that’s good, but like a drug, it masks the real pain underneath. I knew it.

Over the year of riding the roller-coaster, I attended some very great seminars and I changed how I thought. I learned about the mind and how everything we do and are, we are choosing.

It isn’t our circumstances pushing us to do and make decisions, choices. I choose Who I will be every moment of every day. I Choose!

His drama? Sure, I choose to let it affect me, weight me down, make me feel depressed, etc. (Its just a crappy road to go down, but that’s my crappy path!)

So, once I figured out that I can be listening and seeing drama play out in front of me, I can choose to let it enter my heart, get emotional, feel the weight, be hurt or upset by it… Its OK! OR I can let it fall in the air between me and them and hear them, listen and respond, but it doesn’t affect me if I don’t want it to. My choice. I have control.

We have a choice in the matter of our Being. I can Be ME, in every moment, AND I can let other people BE who they will Be as well. It makes for a peaceful, well, happy existence, day in and day out. I love it!!

Now, I am fully free to be who I am going to BE, without the pressure of judgement, or holding to anyone else’s expectations of me and how I should act, it really doesn’t matter. I’m just fabulous ME and I’m totally cool with that!

On the reverse, I allow for people to be, say, choose, who they will be around me, and that’s totally OK!

I think if I had learned this during my marriage, I could have provided a healthy way of living and loving and BEing, because down to the core of my heart, I could have loved with absolute acceptance of who he was choosing to be that day, with no strings.

But I live in reality, not wishful thinking. I live Today, Choosing and Being and 100% happy with my life, where I am right at this moment.

Through the death of a relationship, I gained my Self. The pain is a beautiful thing, and it was necessary to find Me. Its Okay!

Questa e la vita cosa che puoi fare,… It is what it is.

fabulous swearing

The use of foul language never left the safety of  my mind till I began the process of divorce. I actually only thought those words, and sometimes I would say them under my breath, when I was alone and truly angry. I said “fuck”.

Actually, I really liked saying it. I’m in my mid thirties, discovering that saying swear words is fun! For whatever reason, expressing myself with a swear word is… enough. A word that can actually accurately describe my true deep loathsome feelings about something, it has to be a good thing.

Recently I learned that if you put a positive outlook to something, it changes it. For example, I was teaching my niece about the pain of weightlifting and cardio. It hurts and our minds say, hurt = bad, but when you decide that that kind of pain = good, then working out is changed for you. You begin to think of it as awesome and exciting and you can get pumped up about it.

I put a positive to my swearing. I’m OK with it. I don’t swear all of the time, since I like using the English language and all its wealth of words, however, swearing does not hold a bad or wrong meaning to me any longer.

To each, her own, and I’ll keep using my fabulous swear words, when I feel like it.

 

 

He wore WHAT!!?

On a Girl’s Night Out, I discovered that there were a lot of men who do not know how to dress. It’s time to get a little personal Fellas!

When dressing for a Friday night out, plan a little sex-appeal into your wardrobe.  That’s right!!

She’ll take in the whole package instantly, shirt to shoes. If you have great style, you’ll bag more than brownie points!

Most men I’ve seen go with the long sleeve button up. Don’t do that!  Try a different approach.

The V-Neck.

 

This is probably the sexiest style made for MAN. In every shade, the V-Neck takes casual to class!

The great thing I love about the V-Neck is, versatility.

Dress it up with a dark blazer on cooler nights or wear it alone. You can’t go wrong!

V-Neck sweaters are a nice alternative this Fall, but choose Cashmere to show off your muscle.

Date Tip~ Don’t shave it off! Keep a little scruff. We like it and want to touch it!

Why not draw her attention to you?!

Give yourself an upgrade the next time you go out. Put on the V-Neck.